Health QuestionsCategory: MedicationsResponse to Ativan
Star54 asked 2 years ago

Ok I am getting so tired of being treated like a drug addict because I take Ativan. I was thinking of switching to a different psy dr in another part of town cause after my therapist quit it felt pretty painful out there going to get my meds and worrying about running into him.
 
So the lady at the other place is writing down all the info, she says shes the case manager and sets up a screening, she asks whats meds I’m on and as soon as the name Ativan came out of my mouth shes like HOW MUCH are you taking of this drug (in this really loud stern voice) and I said 1mg 3 times a day, morning, afternoon and night, and sometimes a 4th if theres a crisis. So she goes You DO know how addicting this drug is, blah blah, giving me the whole thing I’ve heard hundreds of times and know by heart about benzos.
 
So she says HOW LONG have you been on it, again in this stern you are a bad bad patient tone of voice, and I said about 8 years. And I said I know about the tolerance levels, when I first started on it I used .5 once or twice a day, I am well aware that now 8 years later I am on 1mg 3 times a day. Although since it was taking 2 mg for a crisis and even then sometimes didn’t do anything my dr got me 1mg Haldol to take with the 1 mg Ativan for crisis and that works really well, so hopefully that will keep the tolerance from building even higher.
 
So I get this lecture and talk about de-tox and drug dependency programs and stuff, so I hung up. Called my old dr back and said please can I stay with you, I don’t care if I run into my old therapist, at least this dr understands that I need the benzos. They keep the headaches and rapid switching from personalities down somewhat, and their voices quieter inside, I have close to 30 others living within me and all have their own mental illness too. Ativan WORKS for all of us. The atypicals they had hoped to replace the Ativan with had severe adverse effects on me so they were stopped.
 
Shit, I do the best I can. This lady made me feel so bad I started cutting the pills in half, trying to not take the Ativan that is making me the bad person, the drug addict, etc, etc and after 4 days of fiddling around with the Ativan I was a basket case. So I went back on my 3 times a day, promised my old dr AGAIN not to fiddle with my meds (I have tried to go down from 40 to 30 on the Prozac about 5 times, shes ready to smack me one over it). I hate taking these pills, don’t people get that??!! They think I’m getting high on them??!! All it does is stabilize me so I can get thru a day in one piece.
 
So I am 54, so what if I take it the rest of my life??!! Is that so bad? Does it make me that bad a person? Just feeling kind depressed about it all, never ever changes, one dr in an emergency room went off on me about it SO bad that I literally started switching in and out, there were “littles” all over and he had to call for someone to give me 3 mg of Ativan so make them go back to sleep lol. You’d be surprised what a 2 year old in a 54 yr old body can do and how they can fit into tiny tiny places.
 
Oh well. So I guess I’m a drug addict. Thanks all you not so nice nurses/case managers and drs in ER rooms and hospitals who know NOTHING about me and my case to take it upon yourself to make me feel so horrible about myself. If I hadn’t had Ativan I would have been dead years ago.
 
 
Pat (the writer) only one of many

6 Answers
jookeyman answered 2 years ago

Hey Star-
 
I’m 46 (a young one!) and I’ve been taking benzos for 4 years. My Pop is 70 and he’s been taking benzos every day since they started making them. We both admit we’re hooked but hell it beats the alternative, right?
 
Hope you can stay with a doctor that understands this little piece of wisdom.
 
Peace
Jook

Star54 answered 2 years ago

You know what? Thanks for posting that, no one had posted to me and AGAIN yesterday I toyed with the idea of trying to cut them in half, feeling like shit about having to take them. You made me feel a lot better. Hug your Pop for me, that’ll be me in 16 years! And you’re right, the alternative is WAY worse, but people don’t care about that, well the people who just see you for some minor thing not related where you have to give your med history.
 
Thats the time they all get on their little soapbox, even the ones who give flushots and blood tests. What I want to say to them is Live in my world and you’ll understand WHY I have to take these.  
 
And they work. If they didn’t I’d be on one of the other benzos.  
 
Thanks again!

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

Just got around to reading your dx and rx list. Are you satisfied with it? Do you think it’s accurate?

Just asking because my Dad has never been dx’d by a Pdoc, just his GP (who BTW is a brilliant man). He has been taking Ativan because that’s what his GP rx’s. It seems to work for him also. He’s never taken an AP that I know of. Just wondering if your AP is for mania or psychotic symptoms?

IOW- could you be BPI? I think my Pop is BPII judging from being around him all his life.

Peace
Jook

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

That is exactly why people die from these illnesses.

The rest of your post describes me to a tee and I’m BPI. The other people drive me crazy, the fragmented mind. I only found out the other day from my Tdoc that this was not normal. I always fight and argue with the other thoughts. Too many thoughts. Sometimes more than I can count. They are not one entity but several. They all have something to say but they never agree.

It’s a disoriented form of psychosis that usually comes around when I’m agitated or manic.

BPI.

Peace
Jook

Star54 answered 2 years ago

And doesn’t it always seem that the fighting and arguing with everyone else REALLY gets going when you want to go to bed at night? Thats what the dr said, some kind of psychosis common for this disorder. In fact I have to get a Haldol now as my mind is racing with thoughts and disagreements about what I post when I come to this forum. No one else posts here but me, but they all what their say and its all different and soon theres screaming and yelling to the point you feel your mind is breaking into little pieces.
 
God, never thought I would find anyone else who understood!! Always feel like I’m the weird one all alone. I mean my therapist quit!!! What does that say??!! Alone again as usual. With everyone screaming in my head. If you have someone to talk to you are SOOOOOOOO lucky.

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

I do have a good therapist. He was explaining holistic thought to me the other day and it was very interesting. We are working on bringing all of the thoughts together, to defrag the mind, so to speak. A place where conscious thought and emotion merge instead of split.

I’m getting off topic here so P.M. me if you want to continue this.

Peace
Jook

Star54 replied 2 years ago

Same here! (off topic) PM me too if you want to talk about fragmented minds lol!

Shine answered 2 years ago

Okay, I’ll admit one of my ‘dirty little secrets’:   I have been taking Ativan for 4 years, and I get it from my old doctor in the town we used to live in.  We moved 50 miles away a few years ago, and my new doc is rather Anti-Benzo and won’t prescribe them for me.  Our old doc is a friend of my husband’s from way back, and is more of a Candy-Man kind of physician……..so we just go to him every 6 months, and he keeps refilling our scripts.  I guess we’re going to Hell on the Express Elevator.
 
Truthfully, my manic episodes have been so hard to control lately that I’d have to take 6-8 of them to feel any relief……but it’s nice to know I have them around…….

Fread answered 2 years ago

I guess you can count me in as another “drug addict”, then. Lol!
Ativan has worked wonders for me. No plans to wean myself off the stuff, ever.
The only hitch may be if my new P Doc tries to yank the prescription. Haven’t even met the guy (gal?) yet. I’ll fight tooth and nail to keep taking the relaxing biscuit I have melting under my tongue as I’m typing this. Even if I have to resort to “Doc shopping.”

Star54 asked 3 years ago

Ok I am getting so tired of being treated like a drug addict because I take Ativan. I was thinking of switching to a different psy dr in another part of town cause after my therapist quit it felt pretty painful out there going to get my meds and worrying about running into him.
 
So the lady at the other place is writing down all the info, she says shes the case manager and sets up a screening, she asks whats meds I’m on and as soon as the name Ativan came out of my mouth shes like HOW MUCH are you taking of this drug (in this really loud stern voice) and I said 1mg 3 times a day, morning, afternoon and night, and sometimes a 4th if theres a crisis. So she goes You DO know how addicting this drug is, blah blah, giving me the whole thing I’ve heard hundreds of times and know by heart about benzos.
 
So she says HOW LONG have you been on it, again in this stern you are a bad bad patient tone of voice, and I said about 8 years. And I said I know about the tolerance levels, when I first started on it I used .5 once or twice a day, I am well aware that now 8 years later I am on 1mg 3 times a day. Although since it was taking 2 mg for a crisis and even then sometimes didn’t do anything my dr got me 1mg Haldol to take with the 1 mg Ativan for crisis and that works really well, so hopefully that will keep the tolerance from building even higher.
 
So I get this lecture and talk about de-tox and drug dependency programs and stuff, so I hung up. Called my old dr back and said please can I stay with you, I don’t care if I run into my old therapist, at least this dr understands that I need the benzos. They keep the headaches and rapid switching from personalities down somewhat, and their voices quieter inside, I have close to 30 others living within me and all have their own mental illness too. Ativan WORKS for all of us. The atypicals they had hoped to replace the Ativan with had severe adverse effects on me so they were stopped.
 
Shit, I do the best I can. This lady made me feel so bad I started cutting the pills in half, trying to not take the Ativan that is making me the bad person, the drug addict, etc, etc and after 4 days of fiddling around with the Ativan I was a basket case. So I went back on my 3 times a day, promised my old dr AGAIN not to fiddle with my meds (I have tried to go down from 40 to 30 on the Prozac about 5 times, shes ready to smack me one over it). I hate taking these pills, don’t people get that??!! They think I’m getting high on them??!! All it does is stabilize me so I can get thru a day in one piece.
 
So I am 54, so what if I take it the rest of my life??!! Is that so bad? Does it make me that bad a person? Just feeling kind depressed about it all, never ever changes, one dr in an emergency room went off on me about it SO bad that I literally started switching in and out, there were “littles” all over and he had to call for someone to give me 3 mg of Ativan so make them go back to sleep lol. You’d be surprised what a 2 year old in a 54 yr old body can do and how they can fit into tiny tiny places.
 
Oh well. So I guess I’m a drug addict. Thanks all you not so nice nurses/case managers and drs in ER rooms and hospitals who know NOTHING about me and my case to take it upon yourself to make me feel so horrible about myself. If I hadn’t had Ativan I would have been dead years ago.
 
 
Pat (the writer) only one of many

11 Answers
jookeyman answered 2 years ago

Hey Star-
 
I’m 46 (a young one!) and I’ve been taking benzos for 4 years. My Pop is 70 and he’s been taking benzos every day since they started making them. We both admit we’re hooked but hell it beats the alternative, right?
 
Hope you can stay with a doctor that understands this little piece of wisdom.
 
Peace
Jook

Star54 answered 2 years ago

You know what? Thanks for posting that, no one had posted to me and AGAIN yesterday I toyed with the idea of trying to cut them in half, feeling like shit about having to take them. You made me feel a lot better. Hug your Pop for me, that’ll be me in 16 years! And you’re right, the alternative is WAY worse, but people don’t care about that, well the people who just see you for some minor thing not related where you have to give your med history.
 
Thats the time they all get on their little soapbox, even the ones who give flushots and blood tests. What I want to say to them is Live in my world and you’ll understand WHY I have to take these.  
 
And they work. If they didn’t I’d be on one of the other benzos.  
 
Thanks again!

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

Just got around to reading your dx and rx list. Are you satisfied with it? Do you think it’s accurate?

Just asking because my Dad has never been dx’d by a Pdoc, just his GP (who BTW is a brilliant man). He has been taking Ativan because that’s what his GP rx’s. It seems to work for him also. He’s never taken an AP that I know of. Just wondering if your AP is for mania or psychotic symptoms?

IOW- could you be BPI? I think my Pop is BPII judging from being around him all his life.

Peace
Jook

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

That is exactly why people die from these illnesses.

The rest of your post describes me to a tee and I’m BPI. The other people drive me crazy, the fragmented mind. I only found out the other day from my Tdoc that this was not normal. I always fight and argue with the other thoughts. Too many thoughts. Sometimes more than I can count. They are not one entity but several. They all have something to say but they never agree.

It’s a disoriented form of psychosis that usually comes around when I’m agitated or manic.

BPI.

Peace
Jook

Star54 answered 2 years ago

And doesn’t it always seem that the fighting and arguing with everyone else REALLY gets going when you want to go to bed at night? Thats what the dr said, some kind of psychosis common for this disorder. In fact I have to get a Haldol now as my mind is racing with thoughts and disagreements about what I post when I come to this forum. No one else posts here but me, but they all what their say and its all different and soon theres screaming and yelling to the point you feel your mind is breaking into little pieces.
 
God, never thought I would find anyone else who understood!! Always feel like I’m the weird one all alone. I mean my therapist quit!!! What does that say??!! Alone again as usual. With everyone screaming in my head. If you have someone to talk to you are SOOOOOOOO lucky.

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

I do have a good therapist. He was explaining holistic thought to me the other day and it was very interesting. We are working on bringing all of the thoughts together, to defrag the mind, so to speak. A place where conscious thought and emotion merge instead of split.

I’m getting off topic here so P.M. me if you want to continue this.

Peace
Jook

Star54 replied 2 years ago

Same here! (off topic) PM me too if you want to talk about fragmented minds lol!

Shine answered 2 years ago

Okay, I’ll admit one of my ‘dirty little secrets’:   I have been taking Ativan for 4 years, and I get it from my old doctor in the town we used to live in.  We moved 50 miles away a few years ago, and my new doc is rather Anti-Benzo and won’t prescribe them for me.  Our old doc is a friend of my husband’s from way back, and is more of a Candy-Man kind of physician……..so we just go to him every 6 months, and he keeps refilling our scripts.  I guess we’re going to Hell on the Express Elevator.
 
Truthfully, my manic episodes have been so hard to control lately that I’d have to take 6-8 of them to feel any relief……but it’s nice to know I have them around…….

Fread answered 2 years ago

I guess you can count me in as another “drug addict”, then. Lol!
Ativan has worked wonders for me. No plans to wean myself off the stuff, ever.
The only hitch may be if my new P Doc tries to yank the prescription. Haven’t even met the guy (gal?) yet. I’ll fight tooth and nail to keep taking the relaxing biscuit I have melting under my tongue as I’m typing this. Even if I have to resort to “Doc shopping.”

Star54 asked 3 years ago

Ok I am getting so tired of being treated like a drug addict because I take Ativan. I was thinking of switching to a different psy dr in another part of town cause after my therapist quit it felt pretty painful out there going to get my meds and worrying about running into him.
 
So the lady at the other place is writing down all the info, she says shes the case manager and sets up a screening, she asks whats meds I’m on and as soon as the name Ativan came out of my mouth shes like HOW MUCH are you taking of this drug (in this really loud stern voice) and I said 1mg 3 times a day, morning, afternoon and night, and sometimes a 4th if theres a crisis. So she goes You DO know how addicting this drug is, blah blah, giving me the whole thing I’ve heard hundreds of times and know by heart about benzos.
 
So she says HOW LONG have you been on it, again in this stern you are a bad bad patient tone of voice, and I said about 8 years. And I said I know about the tolerance levels, when I first started on it I used .5 once or twice a day, I am well aware that now 8 years later I am on 1mg 3 times a day. Although since it was taking 2 mg for a crisis and even then sometimes didn’t do anything my dr got me 1mg Haldol to take with the 1 mg Ativan for crisis and that works really well, so hopefully that will keep the tolerance from building even higher.
 
So I get this lecture and talk about de-tox and drug dependency programs and stuff, so I hung up. Called my old dr back and said please can I stay with you, I don’t care if I run into my old therapist, at least this dr understands that I need the benzos. They keep the headaches and rapid switching from personalities down somewhat, and their voices quieter inside, I have close to 30 others living within me and all have their own mental illness too. Ativan WORKS for all of us. The atypicals they had hoped to replace the Ativan with had severe adverse effects on me so they were stopped.
 
Shit, I do the best I can. This lady made me feel so bad I started cutting the pills in half, trying to not take the Ativan that is making me the bad person, the drug addict, etc, etc and after 4 days of fiddling around with the Ativan I was a basket case. So I went back on my 3 times a day, promised my old dr AGAIN not to fiddle with my meds (I have tried to go down from 40 to 30 on the Prozac about 5 times, shes ready to smack me one over it). I hate taking these pills, don’t people get that??!! They think I’m getting high on them??!! All it does is stabilize me so I can get thru a day in one piece.
 
So I am 54, so what if I take it the rest of my life??!! Is that so bad? Does it make me that bad a person? Just feeling kind depressed about it all, never ever changes, one dr in an emergency room went off on me about it SO bad that I literally started switching in and out, there were “littles” all over and he had to call for someone to give me 3 mg of Ativan so make them go back to sleep lol. You’d be surprised what a 2 year old in a 54 yr old body can do and how they can fit into tiny tiny places.
 
Oh well. So I guess I’m a drug addict. Thanks all you not so nice nurses/case managers and drs in ER rooms and hospitals who know NOTHING about me and my case to take it upon yourself to make me feel so horrible about myself. If I hadn’t had Ativan I would have been dead years ago.
 
 
Pat (the writer) only one of many

11 Answers
jookeyman answered 2 years ago

Hey Star-
 
I’m 46 (a young one!) and I’ve been taking benzos for 4 years. My Pop is 70 and he’s been taking benzos every day since they started making them. We both admit we’re hooked but hell it beats the alternative, right?
 
Hope you can stay with a doctor that understands this little piece of wisdom.
 
Peace
Jook

Star54 answered 2 years ago

You know what? Thanks for posting that, no one had posted to me and AGAIN yesterday I toyed with the idea of trying to cut them in half, feeling like shit about having to take them. You made me feel a lot better. Hug your Pop for me, that’ll be me in 16 years! And you’re right, the alternative is WAY worse, but people don’t care about that, well the people who just see you for some minor thing not related where you have to give your med history.
 
Thats the time they all get on their little soapbox, even the ones who give flushots and blood tests. What I want to say to them is Live in my world and you’ll understand WHY I have to take these.  
 
And they work. If they didn’t I’d be on one of the other benzos.  
 
Thanks again!

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

Just got around to reading your dx and rx list. Are you satisfied with it? Do you think it’s accurate?

Just asking because my Dad has never been dx’d by a Pdoc, just his GP (who BTW is a brilliant man). He has been taking Ativan because that’s what his GP rx’s. It seems to work for him also. He’s never taken an AP that I know of. Just wondering if your AP is for mania or psychotic symptoms?

IOW- could you be BPI? I think my Pop is BPII judging from being around him all his life.

Peace
Jook

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

That is exactly why people die from these illnesses.

The rest of your post describes me to a tee and I’m BPI. The other people drive me crazy, the fragmented mind. I only found out the other day from my Tdoc that this was not normal. I always fight and argue with the other thoughts. Too many thoughts. Sometimes more than I can count. They are not one entity but several. They all have something to say but they never agree.

It’s a disoriented form of psychosis that usually comes around when I’m agitated or manic.

BPI.

Peace
Jook

Star54 answered 2 years ago

And doesn’t it always seem that the fighting and arguing with everyone else REALLY gets going when you want to go to bed at night? Thats what the dr said, some kind of psychosis common for this disorder. In fact I have to get a Haldol now as my mind is racing with thoughts and disagreements about what I post when I come to this forum. No one else posts here but me, but they all what their say and its all different and soon theres screaming and yelling to the point you feel your mind is breaking into little pieces.
 
God, never thought I would find anyone else who understood!! Always feel like I’m the weird one all alone. I mean my therapist quit!!! What does that say??!! Alone again as usual. With everyone screaming in my head. If you have someone to talk to you are SOOOOOOOO lucky.

jookeyman replied 2 years ago

I do have a good therapist. He was explaining holistic thought to me the other day and it was very interesting. We are working on bringing all of the thoughts together, to defrag the mind, so to speak. A place where conscious thought and emotion merge instead of split.

I’m getting off topic here so P.M. me if you want to continue this.

Peace
Jook

Star54 replied 2 years ago

Same here! (off topic) PM me too if you want to talk about fragmented minds lol!

Shine answered 2 years ago

Okay, I’ll admit one of my ‘dirty little secrets’:   I have been taking Ativan for 4 years, and I get it from my old doctor in the town we used to live in.  We moved 50 miles away a few years ago, and my new doc is rather Anti-Benzo and won’t prescribe them for me.  Our old doc is a friend of my husband’s from way back, and is more of a Candy-Man kind of physician……..so we just go to him every 6 months, and he keeps refilling our scripts.  I guess we’re going to Hell on the Express Elevator.
 
Truthfully, my manic episodes have been so hard to control lately that I’d have to take 6-8 of them to feel any relief……but it’s nice to know I have them around…….

Fread answered 2 years ago

I guess you can count me in as another “drug addict”, then. Lol!
Ativan has worked wonders for me. No plans to wean myself off the stuff, ever.
The only hitch may be if my new P Doc tries to yank the prescription. Haven’t even met the guy (gal?) yet. I’ll fight tooth and nail to keep taking the relaxing biscuit I have melting under my tongue as I’m typing this. Even if I have to resort to “Doc shopping.”